APM: Dust-ups, Teach the Chilluns, and Friend or Foe

Allah

DUST-UPS

Deserts are not the only province of sandstorms. The relentless desertification of character whips them up everywhere.

The dust-ups from my will gone awry often take an eternity to settle, choking me and everyone up. And when that happens, which is much too often, I always think, there you’ve gone and done it again. But even with the regret and the consequences, down the road it’s déjà vu all over.

If these dust-ups were not metaphors, sand would be pouring from every crevice of my home.

What is it that weds me to such madness? To the insanity of not changing my trajectory and wishing for a different bargain? Can’t I see the losses piling up and my life running out? This obtuseness is a liability. If I can’t see that, and don’t recognise that my character defects are LIABILITIES, and the commander-in-chief is Mr Nafs (Ego), I’m doomed. DOOMED!

So, how can I rectify myself? By praying to God to replace my vices with virtue.

After seeking God’s help, I set out to cultivate virtue using a triage approach.

First, I must take an inventory. A reckoning always begins with an inventory. But not just any inventory, a brutally honest one.

Second, the inventory must focus on the people I interact with regularly. A sample of 10-15 people will do, but I can add more if I want to drill down even further.

Third, I write down their names and list all the harm I’ve caused them in thought and action. Then I collect all my character defects that may be present in these personal histories, such as: resentment, defensiveness, procrastination, insincerity, critical, judgmental, anger, fear, hate, laziness, impatience, envy, jealousy, backbiting, conceit, pride, arrogance, lust, greed, revenge, gluttony, financial insecurity, dishonesty, etcetera. The most common ones are the ones I must cull first.

Fourth, I write down the top five vices and list their opposing virtues, and set off to God to help me practice them: “You who believe, seek help through steadfastness and prayer, for God is with the steadfast” [2:153].

Below is a non-exhaustive list of vices and their opposite virtues to help you begin your journey to a better you.

Arrogance → Humility, Obstinacy → Surrender, Resentment → Forgiveness, Hate → Love, Anger → Calm, Defensiveness → Openness, Greed → Charity, Gluttony → Abstinence/Moderation, Lust → Modesty, Procrastination → Action, Envy → Benificence, Financial Insecurity → Tawakkal/Trusting God, Impatience → Stoicism, Chasing Fame → Anonymity/Sincerity

The Prophet (s)

TEACH THE CHILLUNS

We don’t have a youth problem; we have an adult one.

Sure, some children do not reflect their family values. But that’s the exception. The rule is that most children do.

Our primary environment shapes us. It impresses upon us who we become. And if the home parents cultivate for their children is rooted in sound principles, in the Quranic and prophetic paradigms, in respect for our elders and how we should address them, especially our parents and teachers, in the etiquette upon entering other homes, that lowering the gaze and not objectifying the opposite sex is a means of honouring ourselves and others, that Salah (prayer) is non-negotiable, that God forbids fraternising with the opposite sex, that kindness trumps nastiness, that gossip is vile speech, that honesty is the best speech, that modest dress is a symbol of faith, that viewing and listening to things antithetical to Islam repeatedly blacken our hearts, that giving thanks to people is giving thanks to God, that we use the magic word ‘please’ when we ask; to name but a few, they would be fulfilling their responsibility covenanted with God when they performed the athan (public call to prayer) and iqamah (second prayer-call just before the prayer begins) in their childrens’ right and left ears immediately after their birth.

The Prophet (s) said, “Every child is born with a true faith of Islam (i.e. to worship none but Allah Alone), and his parents convert him to Judaism or Christianity or Magianism, as an animal delivers a perfect baby animal. Do you find it mutilated?” [Bukhariy]

The same holds for all worldviews and homeviews. Thus, the parent’s goal is to align theirs with God’s.

Friend or Foe

Momentum can be your friend or your enemy. But it’s not just any old buddy or foe. It’s an incredibly powerful one.

Gaining momentum in the right direction is a gift.

But beware of the momentum accelerating bad habits. Trying to stop it is like pushing a boulder uphill.

Until next week, InshaAllah

Zaahied Sallie

Author of The Beloved Prophet – An Illustrated Biography in Rhyme

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